I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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