Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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