if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
