oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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