Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
