Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
