Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
