Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
