Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
