from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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