When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
