I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
