Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
