i was born a porn star she said
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
