Can Purell be used as lube?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
