I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There's always time for handjobs
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
