I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
