I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
