I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
