dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
