sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
