i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
