that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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