there's paper in my vomit.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
