All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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