You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Two words: blizzard sex
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
there is puke in my bra ... again
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
