smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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