Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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