Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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