I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
