my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
