Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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