NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
