nut hugger
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
