So drunk its hurt
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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