break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
