His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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