I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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