new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
