apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
