Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
