my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
