can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Couch. On fire.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
