You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
