Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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