i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
