Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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