Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
