after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think I just sharted jello shots
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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