I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
