If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
