The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
