I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
