if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
