dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
