chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize