it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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