4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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