Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
