it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize