Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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