I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
