I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
