So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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