Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
